yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
