if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
