Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
