I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"