to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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