Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
