if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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