wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
