I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
