I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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