I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
