You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
