I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
