She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
