and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
