I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
