you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i would punch a child for taco bell
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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