So drunk its hurt
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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