38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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