Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
