dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
