all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
