one two three fourrrrnication!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
