Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
