Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
