sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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