I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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