Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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