I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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