i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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