I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
