But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
