sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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