I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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