Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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