Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
