i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
