Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I currently don't understand fingers.
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