hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
