May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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