I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
