Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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