Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
