Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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