Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
