i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
