is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
