I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
