I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
