guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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