Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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