Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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