I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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