She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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