my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
