dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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