Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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