i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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