I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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