After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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