I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
