He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
