This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
