college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize