there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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