There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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