dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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