It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
