Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
