I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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