I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
