Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
