You made me cry and you don't even care
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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