It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize