My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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