Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You are a genius and a whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
