I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
