No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
