legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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