Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
